February 6, 2008

Love the yeti

We were in the mountains this weekend. One night it snowed a buttload and the next day we went out exploring, hoping to find some trace of the yeti’s presence. There was a hidden cave that smelled like pee, which would have been the perfect place for yetis to hide, but besides the smell there was no trace of any white hairs or giant footprints or anything. And it got me to thinking about whether the yetis would have really wanted to kick it anyway. I mean, it seems like they’re as scared of us as we are of them, like they’re constantly hiding in the bedroom closet, hoping that they remembered to set their phone on vibrate.

Like in this picture the yeti comes off as a bloodthirsty murderous beast, but is that really how they are? I for one have never come across all kinds of body parts or bloody trails in the snow or intestines in steaming piles like I’d expect if they were brutal monsters. Yeah, I’ve heard the howls at night that echo through the valleys, but what if that’s just the sound of yetis making sweet sweet love?

And the guys are all like “let’s kill that muther!” and I believe that shit cause I know that’s what people are all about. If it’s big and hairy and you’ve never seen it before either put it in a show or on youtube or something or bust a cap in it.

I like to think that yetis have hearts too, and that they care about other yetis and feel love for them. Maybe they don’t love us but at least they’re kind of ambivalent. And maybe, just maybe if we learned to love the yetis they would love us back.

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February 5, 2008

YETI WE CAN!

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February 2, 2008
shave your own dang yeti, fool

sometimes I feel like this yeti, but with no one around to shave me over the internet…

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February 1, 2008
kids, always use protection to prevent yeti crabs. those suckers PINCH!

kids, always use protection to prevent yeti crabs. those suckers PINCH!

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yeti will fuck you up

yeti will fuck you up

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January 27, 2008

why yeti?

In snow caves in the California Sierra live creatures to whom sex is an art form.  At the slightest arousal, every hair on their taut, muscled bodies stands at attention, like a sex-deprived, frisky soldier. Truly, they are masters of the art of love. When yetis spawn, they create new yeti life; thus the beginning of the yeti story.

At the highest elevations, beyond the reach of human meddling, are the dwellings of the California yetibooz. Built from the snow that covers the alpine scree year-round, these sophisticated homes have all the amenities a yeti needs, including closets to become trapped in, and hot tubs in which to pop bubbly. One might even find a yeti puffing an “L” while watching a movie in the jacuzzi, and hear the sound as he asks of his yetiboo, sweetly, “do me.”

The debauched ways of the yeti have been written about extensively, from the amorous adventures of the himalayan yeti, to the carnal cravings of the canadian yeti-wolf hybrid. The California yeti, however, brings a “west coast” flavor to his wanderings, and lone hunters deep in the wilderness have been known to hear, in the middle of the night, the faint howl of a “beeeeeyooootccch!” carry across the glacial expanses.

They looked in the caaaay-aaaaaaaaaave, and theeere was a yetttiiii yetttiiiii yetttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 

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Yeti Vs Gnome

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Chupacabre Vs. Yeti

Which is scarier?

 Yeti

Yeti

Or

Chupacabra? 

Chupacabra

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Kanchanjunga’s demon

Kanchanjunga’s demon

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